Good Night

A terribly hot evening. I shoot baskets in the driveway. But it's really hot. I go sit in the backyard, read a book, sweat on the pages. Eventually, I shower, the water turned all the way cold. Drying off, I see myself in the mirror. Hey, I know that guy.

Downstairs I set the laptop on the coffee table before the seat between the speakers. I slide a record from its sleeve. Pat Metheny Group's Offramp. I place it on the platter, clean it, drop the needle, and turn the volume up two notches.

On the couch, I respond to email from friends. Hey, I write. How are you? Here's what's doing with me. Pat Metheny Group asks, "Are You Going With Me?". I certainly am.

The window air conditioner rattles cool air across me left to right. My friends' words rise from the screen and pass through me. My thoughts tap out of my fingers. The kitten attacks. Music plays. I open a blank page on the computer and write these thoughts. The sun sets slowly. The heat comes down a degree. Storms arrive tonight. More heat tomorrow.

The dog comes to see me, her panting tongue lolling from her smiling mouth. I smile back and say, "it's a good night, isn't it?" We both know the answer.

Those Mornings

It's one of those mornings. Hot and humid already, yet still climbing. Not much sleep to be had last night. The morning started with conflict and acrimony. Yesterday had too much of that too. And there's lots of work to do.

But none of that makes this one of those mornings.

It's one of those mornings because I'm feeling I can't read enough of what I need to read, learn enough of what I need to learn, or do enough of what I need to do. At work for an hour, I feel I've done far too little.

Why the hell am I writing instead of doing all that stuff?

Thanks for asking.

Here's the thing: it's one of those mornings because I've chosen to feel certain ways about things. The conflict and acrimony this morning? I've chosen to hang onto it, feeling wounded instead of compassionate. That's a poor choice indeed. The conflict yesterday? I've chosen to carry it into today. The lack of sleep? It's not so bad and it's good reason to make a spectacular cup of coffee. The heat and humidity? My office is air-conditioned.

I'm writing to change perspective, to orient myself back to the path on which I do what I need to do, learn what I need to learn, read what I need to read. Writing brings me back. Maybe you go for a run or meditate or sing in the car. I write and a couple hundred words later how do I feel?

Like it's going to be one of _those_mornings.

The kind of morning in which I stop every so often and breathe, in which I remind myself of choices I've made and choices available to me. The kind of morning in which I write a return to my body, mind, and spirit, a return to the path. The kind of morning in which I find myself ready now to ask what's next and then go do it.

It's one of those mornings. The good kind.

Learning Sucks

I was a teacher for twenty-four years. I've been a student all my life. I'm in a new job at which I know only three percent of what I need to know, but I'm learning. All of which gives me the standing to say the following:

Learning sucks, man.

The guy who had my job before helps and advises me more than I deserve. He points out the trip wires and shows how to excel. But I haven't learned enough to make the best use of his advice. Today, I learned things, got slapped around by events enough to understand one of his big lessons. It's great to understand, but it totally sucked learning this way.

I've got a great team at work. My deputy is smarter than me in most every way, thoughtful, and knows thirty-eight times more than I do about the job. She patiently teaches and helps me get things figured out. She's wonderful, but it totally sucks having to learn all the stuff she knows, asking her to teach me again and again.

My friend in a very similar job warned me about this gig. She's phenomenal at the job and makes it look easier than it is. She said I wouldn't sleep for a year, that I'd be thinking about it all the time, but that I would be good because I learn fast. She forgot to say how much learning sucks.

Okay, okay, learning doesn't really suck, but it feels that way. My coach says I'm doing fine. Board members, staff, and colleagues say so too. My wife says I'm doing fine and she knows me better than anyone, but I still feel unprepared and slow. Today I learned an important lesson about the job and sensed how much I still don't know. Every day I'm learning and every day learning sucks because I want to know already.

It's after nine o'clock at night. Good music is playing, the air conditioner is cooling the bedroom, and the alarm is set for five AM so I can get up and learn some more. Learning will still suck and I'll still feel unequal to the tasks, but here's the thing:

I love this work, love the challenges, and, truth to tell, I even love the learning even though it totally sucks.

Growth Mindset

Tesla, electric car company of my dreams, released a software update this week. Teslas are more like mobile phones than typical cars in that they run as much on software as on motors. Tesla controls are on a giant touchscreen in the console instead of dedicated buttons and switches installed at the factory. Tesla can radically update the car long after it has left the factory. They can also make nearly infinitesimal changes as was the case this week.

The software update changed how the cabin fan operates. When the car senses there is no passenger, it shuts off the passenger-side fan, saving a tiny amount of battery power.

The issue people think they have with electric cars is battery range. The big gasoline-car makers push range anxiety as a big deal, but the Tesla Model 3, even in its Standard package has a range of 250 miles. The Long Range version gets 322 miles to a charge. I can't recall the last day I drove more than 300 miles.

Tesla is fanatical about extending battery range. Rather than wait for new models or only making tweaks at the factory, they extend the range of the car through software updates such as the one this week about which one person said, "I'm sorry, but the amount of energy you're saving is so low, I'm surprised either of them bother. You [sic] looking at maybe 10 watts on average, probably less. It'll increase the range by feet, not miles" (emphasis mine).

Feet not miles. Why does Tesla bother?

It's because this is a matter of craft and a statement of purpose. This is one change of thousands made throughout the design of Teslas. Each adds up but each also promotes a culture of craft that values efficiencies earning every extra foot of range. Devotion to craft stresses a cumulative way of thinking. One small software patch is not the end of consideration but a part of a much larger picture in which the smallest changes matter.

Before anyone gets to thinking I'm a blind fanboy, I understand Tesla is a flawed company led by a deeply flawed man, but I'm still want a Tesla and am devoted to the idea that small details matter even as I know that Tesla misses many details. Seeking perfection is someone else's job. I'm interested in developing craft.

I wrote the first draft of this on pages I print on the backs of used paper, pages I designed over the course of six years, making tiny changes. I tweak that design still and expect to keep changing it. The page design makes my thinking more efficient. I'm not saying it makes writing the pages more efficient. I'm in no hurry to move to the next thing. I'm interested instead in extending the thought I have through the thoughts writing can create.

The second draft I typed in Writer: The Internet Typewriter rather than Word. While Word allows for seemingly infinite formatting, Writer allows for none, not even bold or italics. Eliminating Word's distractions is big change, extending my thinking by miles. A much smaller change is taking Writer full screen, an increase of feet not miles that I'll take knowing something much greater goes on under the hood of my writing machine because of such small changes.

Under the hood, huh?

Under the hood of a Tesla, there's no engine, just space for storage. That kind of radical change results from a thousand infinitesimal changes and a craft mindset focused on continuous improvement. It comes from the idea that small change matters not just to extend the range of one vehicle but the range of an entire car company and the process by which creative things come to life.