When I started this blog it was an experiment about my writing. Would things I write survive in the larger world? I was tired of the Facebook posts and tweets designed only to state "I'm here; please notice me" and had nothing to give. The blogging experiment changed how I write, making me aware of audience in positive ways. A sense of audience can be destructive if I pander to readers, write what I think they want, and whore myself. Instead the sense of audience helped me consider what I might give, what service I might provide, how I might be of use. I learned a lot about that. The experiment proved the blog useful.

The blog turned into a different experiment as I grew weary of and damaged by my teaching job. I wondered, can I make a living through writing? I started a newsletter and investigated how to make the blog profitable but kept coming up against fundamental problems. To make money, I had to build an audience by posting on social media, keeping the blog to one topic, and examining audience metrics. I tried, but social media is so awful I deleted all my accounts, staying on one topic was too boring, and the focus on metrics made me small and mean. The experiment showed I wasn't going to make money on the blog. Oh well.

I found a new job that pays me to write and uses my other skills. The job has proven exciting, demanding, and profitable, but I've begun to fall out of balance, devoting too much of my time to the job, not getting more done, just taking more time. I miss and find I need to be writing and publishing more.

My new experiment is to restore balance, to use this blog to understand more things and develop ideas while still being of some use to readers. Which has me (and maybe you) wondering, what good is this post to anyone other than me? It's a good question.

Things change. Three years ago, I was halfway through what was my worst year of teaching and felt trapped by the pay and benefits. Two years ago things were even worse. Just over one year ago, I decided to quit and was counting the days. I had no idea what to do next, what I needed. Today, though happily escaped from that teaching job and doing much better work, I understand there's no end to what I need.

That makes me sound greedy, but it's about accepting change and knowing I'm aware of only a small amount of what will be revealed over the course of the next three years. There's no end to what I need because every day presents new possibilities, chances for new experiments.

I'd like to say I'll write here daily and return to a weekly newsletter, but instead I'll say I'm experimenting with that and with making time for writing more regularly. I'm trying to return to writing with the acceptance of what I don't know yet and that the experiment, successful or otherwise, will show me ways forward.

When I started this blog there was no way to know what I know now. That comforts me. I put one word down and then another, sentence by sentence, until I formed the writing I've published so far. I have a lot of room to grow and learn. This next experiment in balance and return is all about that.

What's your next experiment?