For months, I've considered writing how I start my mornings, the routines that largely serve me. I usually enjoy reading how others begin the day. I haven't written the description because I've felt short on time. Often enough, I'm grinding against the routine anyway, thinking I need to do more.

I don't exercise or meditate in the morning. I fail to make and eat a healthy breakfast or pack a good lunch. I don't check my calendar and frame the day. I don't wake mindfully, breathe away anxiety, or consider what would bring me joy (other than having a pee). I don't begin with some creative act. I don't do the things I feel I should do, that would make me a good person. I've tried, but I guess I'm not that kind of good person.

Instead, I wake and lie in bed, wanting to rest, needing to pee, anxiously revving up about what has to be done so the world won't end. I turn myself out of bed, and go downstairs. I shut off the front lights, open blinds, and have that pee.

I empty the dishwasher. I boil water, measure and grind beans, brew a cup of coffee that I take to my desk. I handwrite three Morning Pages of thinking that often centers me. Then I read one passage from Daily Doses of Wisdom, one poem (I'm working through Billy Collins' Aimless Love and, if I feel there's time, one chapter of Meditations for Mortals.

In the kitchen, I wash my coffee cup. In the bathroom, I run hot water, lather my face with a brush, and shave with a safety razor. I shower and dress, pack my things for the office, and go.

This started with what I don't do because I'm trying to cope with the idea of not being able to do everything and also trying not to feel the obligation to do more and more. My Morning Pages and short readings, they serve me. Why can't I let that be enough?

Because "enough" feels like surrender and disaster in the making. Because I feel that I must do more, strive for more, and live up to my potential. Because I've learned that to do anything less is a sin, a mortal one.

The secret my morning routine tries to teach is that maybe I'm not so much a sinner as I am a human, and though it doesn't say so in my dictionary, "human" may be a synonym for "enough."