Shit You Not

in

Sometimes life is shit. Everything sucks and there's nothing to do but go in the corner and pout. Stuff just keeps raining down and giving up is the only option.

This is not one of those times.

A couple weeks ago around ten o'clock on the eve of our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary, my wife tentatively woke me with news there was standing water in the basement. She couldn't plunge the floor drain open. I got up groaning and whining and went down. I stepped into the water in pajamas and bare feet, and went to town with the plunger. Nothing doing.

And why, I wondered, is an oatmeal cookie floating here?

That wasn't oatmeal. I stepped out of fetid, fecal water and hung my head.

Still, even then life wasn't shit. Sure, sewage was floating in our basement and I walked into it barefoot, but feet clean and plumbers come in the morning. I went up two floors and back to bed.

The next morning two guys cleaned the roots out of our pipe. Water and sewage ran freely. It cost a pretty penny, but so it goes.

See, it's not all shit.

This morning, as I walked toward the office, my wife called. Sewage had pooled between the sidewalk and the road. I walked back home. No water or sewage in the basement. Just a brown puddle around the vent stack. Okay, I thought. That's enough. That's about all I can take.

But it wasn't.

The same guys came over. My wife stayed home to wait while I drove to work. Hours later she let me know they had cleared the pipe from the sidewalk to the street. All was well again. No problem, no charge, no shit.

Two weeks from now the pipes may back up again. Maybe the whole sewage line will need replacing or worse. There's no telling, but here's what I know:

  • The sewage in the basement wasn't so bad and is gone.
  • Sewage on the lawn instead of in the house is small potatoes.
  • Many problems can be solved with no more than a phone call and credit card.
  • When no one gets hurt, sick, or lost, it's not a big problem.

There are times when life is shit, but right now the pipes are clear and everything bad is flowing away from me. This is a good life. I shit you not.