Sore Knees and Anxiety

My knees felt stiff and sore coming downstairs this morning. Nothing major, but enough to have me holding the handrail, taking it slow. I'm not getting any younger. I accept that. Besides, I knew what to do. While the coffee water boiled, I did knee lifts and squats to loosen things. It worked. I felt better. Still do.

Also this morning, Ive been feeling tightness across my chest as I hold my breath and spin up about tasks and expectations I have today. Doing my knee lifts and squats, I worried there wasn't time for all that and I had to get going. Where I needed to go wasn't clear. I just felt anxiety about it.

I made coffee, moved to the couch, settled in to write Morning Pages, my mind wandering toward anxiety. The voice in my head demanded all sorts of things I should have been doing. Anxiety darkened the weather in my mind, all clouds and no sun with a threat of impending storms.

Loosening my knees is easy. Stretch and move. If that doesn't work, rest and ice. But what can relieve this anxiety? I place a hand on my chest and take deep breaths. One and two and three and four. Again.

This loosens things some, but the anxiety creeps back. My knees only get looser as the day goes on and I forget about them. Forgetting anxiety, I forget to breathe and accept, and then here comes the anxiety.

I just took a big breath and went back to typing but noticed I was holding my breath and felt the tension. Turns out I haven't figured out how to work with this anxiety, which is why I'm talking to you, whoever you are, guessing it's better to share this than carry it all on my own.

The weight of the anxiety, after all, is enough to really wreck my knees.